Rage Is Relentless: Reflecting Light

Lighthouse by eamonngillian (deviantart)

Reflecting Light1
   I have found that the young man who I had believed to be in good mental health is still just as fickle and weak as I am. I wish to help him for he cries out for help when given such an opportunity. If he did not desire this then he would (should) refrain from crying out where others may rush to assist him. However, humans do not always think rationally when under stress. I know this from experience. Stress transforms people, they become self destructive monsters eating away at themselves and frightening the people around them. The stress is particularly poisonous to me. My body is an emotional amplifier, and my attention to detail documents things that I could live much more easily without. I unfortunately because of this I cannot simply ignore him as he wishes. I didn’t chose to be like this, sometimes I even wish I could be like the majority of the world’s population; running about giving the normal reaction over the normal period of time. Instead of being like me and having the same old soul sucking thoughts fallow me around, day in and day out.
     I like to lie to myself; it keeps the bad thoughts under quarantine so that I may live my life in peace. But alas, they always come back, usually when I notice something I shouldn’t have. I pray for him even if I am only truly praying to for myself. That’s all that praying is good for. I remember when I first learned the word “hope”. I was waiting for my father to come home and had come to believe that he was never coming back. That’s when my mother explained to me the meaning of the word “hope”. I only just realized why the people of religion pray, it is how they hope. I understand now, that the customs of many religions are built to relive stress. However, in my eyes I see organized religion as a penitentiary, slaving its fallows into a life bent angst there own desires. Thus I fallow my own crooked path awaiting my long anticipated end.
     Life is truly unnerving when you cannot even control your own emotions. I wish to move away when I am older. To a place where my mind can survive without worrying about him, or anyone at all for that matter. I don’t believe there is a heaven and if there is I am certainly not going there. I would rather have my soul destroyed completely then live another life in the clouds where my stressed mind can torture me for all eternity. I may die an early death the way things are going now. My stress has become so painful that my body has become physically ill. I currently weigh approximately one hundred pounds and I am five feet seven inches tall. My vision is failing and I am unable to walk in a strait line. I have become even more revolting then I had been prior to the event.
     This event has become more and more undefined as my stress continues to trouble me. All I can say now is that this has become progressively worse over the past five months and that I am hoping and praying for it to end.