Let Me Throw Things at Your Eyes (Fencing, and Emotions)

  

  I've had a very hard time understanding the feelings I feel when I fence. I am an increasingly emotional a stressed person to the point that I uncontrollably burst into tears whenever I feel anything. Weather I be happy or sad, if I'm not crying then I'm totally faking it. So I guess it's pretty refreshing when I actually feel something, but at the same time the feeling of emotion can be so unpleasant that I've come to the point that I don't want to feel anymore. I've considered many times, quitting fencing entirely...but in doing so I feel as though I am throwing my life away. My life revolves around art and fencing...and anything that involves tinkering or sorting. So I guess I just have to deal with it, no mater how unpleasant and confusing it is for the people around me. Tears of joy are only really normal in movies and at weddings...not after someone tells a joke.

I haven't posted much...

I guess I haven't posted much cuz I've lost a lot of inspiration...ya....

More NaNo!!!!

Now, if you know what NaNoWriMo is then you know that I'm technically cheating by having this much done already...BUT I JUST CAN'T WATE FOR THE COMPO TO START SO I'M STARTING EARLY!!

It’s closing in on me like a waterfall of black sticky ink. Every time I get rid of the ink theirs is even more…ink. All over my body crawling up into my mouth down into my lungs; suffocating me. Bringing the other me out.

Besides01:

“When winter comes we all shiver in our nothingness for we are nothing and nothing is all we will ever be. The lord protects us; he binds us to our fate. You will take your role here at Andica out of Sir Binder’s top hat, and you will live with that role forever.” Said the old man of gray as he paced back and forth.

The less then lively group he addressed stared up at him, as though he owned them, there harts and souls belonged to the pastor and no one else. They lifted a piece of paper from inside a silver top hat, not even looking to see what role they where now to perform for the rest of there lives. They filed out of the room with the same sad facieses the had entered with.

“Can you see the shackles around there ankles? The jump suits?”

“I already told you Neon! There are no shackles, no suits, just a group of normal people going home from Sir Binder’s mass.”

“You are blind Sandka. Your name has And just like the chapel. Your one of them!”

Sandka frowned at the remark turning his bright young face evil with rage. Neon looked down at the ground in gilt. The feeling sweped over her as the dark ink of the soul sunk deep into her. I am worthless, a failure. Why does it hurt? My chest! Neon fell to the ground, tumbling from the grate height of the metallic fence that bordered the Andica property. Sandka had been saying something but Neon couldn’t here, she couldn’t understand. No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!-

“Your words are poison!” she screamed as he continued to speak angrily.

“You’re a fool who plays with fire Neon!” said Sandka as he jumped down from the fence.

“I’m sorry…” she whimpered. Sandka grabbed a hold of her arm and hoisted her to her feet. She looked at him, into him.

Am I…the-“You tricked me!” she said realizing his false anger. Sandka chucked.

“You where the one who said it.” Neon found.

“The ink almost got me…then the other would appear.” Sandka rolled his eyes.

“There is no other. You are you.” He said with a more than skeptical tone.

Neon shrugged and looked to the ground once more. His presence frightened her, he could feel the warmth of his body…and his sent. She couldn’t help but stand down wind of him for she could smell him in the air. It wasn’t the type of smell that one could simply describe, it simply was: him. No other person smelled like he did and Neon couldn’t resist the smell. They stood together in an uncomfterble silence as the last of Sir Binder’s people filed out of the chapel building. He stood a fue inches taller than her at around five feet ten inches. He had long blond hair which on this particularly windy day, stayed tyed up in a pony tail.

Neon scratched her head in an attempt to tame it’s raging messysess. Her hair was a big poof on the top of her head that stayed completely rogue no matter the effort set forth to tame it. She was particularly skinny for her height, like some famine had prevented her from eating in proper amounts for months. Sandka took in air to speak.

“Well I really must be going home…” he looked down at Neon who shrugged in response “…you have once again showed me that there is absolutely nothing wrong with Sir Binder’s mass.” Sandka lifted a porcelain mask from around his neck and fastened it tightly to his face. Neon shivered at the sight. His mask of char. A single tear wisped down her face as he took his position a fue feet away.

“Perhaps I will see you across the ribbons?” he asked. Neon stared at him blankly; she couldn’t tell if he truly meant his words.

“Perhaps.” she said faking a smile. She imagined him smiling at her remark as his body suddenly disappeared into a cloud of amber and ash. The sound his teleportation made sounded like the clatter of porcelain plates on tile.

Neon allowed her suppressed tears to flow from her soft brown eyes as she scaled the fence and walked through the thorny brush to find her home. The sun set as she reached the stone steps that lead to her front door. She looked into the sky the stars sending dim light through the earth’s atmosphere. The water on her face lifted way towards the stars as dim curvy lines seemed to link the stars together.

“Neon! Come to your room! Now!” a voice whispered. Who?

“Leo? Leon?” Neon screamed as she ran inside.

The house was dark almost to dark to see, but Neon knew her way. She made her way to her bed room and franticly searched though her bed sheets.

“The living room stupid!”  She moved robotically to the big sofa in the living room and dropped to the floor.

“The hell are you doing there Leon?” she said pulling his floppy cloth body out from under the couch.

“Look now you’re all dirty. Why do you keep crawling around on the floor? Why can’t you just stay in bed?” the stuffed animal said nothing and she growled, irritated by his silence.

“Oh! Now your gonna portend that you can’t send thoughts into my head right? Well that’s -“ Neon stopped suddenly startled by the sudden flick of a light switch.

“Stop talking to inanimate objects you weirdo.” Her mother spouted angrily.

“And you left the door open!”

Neon smashed her face into Leon’s in embarrassment. Maybe you are just a stuffed animal.

“The Periodic is searching for you.” Leon whispered. Who? You always say: The Periodic. Who are the periodic?

“Krypton entering layer one atmosphere gyro sixty-five-“

“Stop saying random crap!” Neon screamed. Her mother poked her head back in to the room snarling viciously.

“Stop that!”

Neon stuck out her bottom lip- Whatever mom!-and ran inside her room. She looked at the ribbons lining her window.  

So ya that's what I have so far, not to much but it's still enough to put me about a day ahead.  ;) P.S. Please pardon my fail at spelling...ya I can't spell worth shit.

NaNoWriMo?

It’s closing in on me like a waterfall of black sticky ink. Every time I get rid of the ink theirs is even more…ink. All over my body crawling up into my mouth down into my lungs; suffocating me. Bringing the other me out.

Yup those would be the opening sentences to my NaNo for this year, just enjoy the tid bit.

DARK ROOM

In a dark room with this boy I thought I knew,

But I don’t know, what he is, no I don’t know,

I thought I do.

So you see:

In this dark room, tied to a chair I thought I knew, what I came for,

But I don’t, I don’t know him,

I don’t know me.

So you see:

Looking up way high to the skys I tend to see!

The exactual incredibly mirror imacle of me!

And looking down upon the dusty earth deep below!

Could it possibly be the boy I do not know!

Sadness, sadness, sadness actually flows,

Deep down way down down in our harts.

So I wish for a miracle to arise and perhaps save us from this endless circle of cries.

So you see:

In this dark room I find him in a corner crying bout something he wouldn’t tell me, so I stay there. So I stay there all alone. All alone. What should I do?

Reflecting Light:#3 Who Are We...Exactly?

Venetian Mask by ca5per

     I think It's an accurate assumption to make if one where to say that time does not apply to the human mind, but is simultaneously being created and interpreted by the human mind. We created a system that in our own minds cannot possibly make sense to everyone 100% of the time. For example in the mornings when I first wake up time means nothing to me. I have five clocks in my room, three analog one digital. They are placed in the order in which they are meant to be seen, but I never get passed the first clock. Most days I just stare at it, 6:00, 6:15, 6:20, 6:35...then my mom walks in. "What the hell are you doing?" It is at this moment I realize that there is such a thing as time...and I had just missed the bus.

            It's frightening how often I do this. It' almost constant I'd say. I can draw for hours and have it feel like a couple minutes. Do home work for five minutes feels like an hour. Time does not apply to human minds. Once I woke up to a noise I herd in my dream only to hear the exact same sound seconds later. It was a glass braking and my stepfather cussing in response. When I went to investigate, only one glass was broken. Was I really even awake when I herd the nose the second time? Or did I here it when I was asleep and re-synthesize it after I had awoken? I felt like I was in some sort of time shift the entire rest of the day.

            I guess that's why clocks where invented. Unfortunately, my brain lives above such law as time, and thus I am late for events, fail to turn in homework, and frankly don't give a shit about time at all. It's just another part of this big human cage that we're all living in. As are computers, complex shelters, houses, buildings, parking lots, roads, cities, governments, countries, science, religion, each other...all limit our minds into what we can, can't, should, shouldn't, will, and will not do. You can't cut people off when driving to work by spontaneously driving of the road and driving in the median...can you? See thing is you probably could, but your not going to, because driving is for the road right? And the people around you would feel that your a bad person, right? And you just want to fallow the rules, right?

            Ever cut someone in line and not leave even if they ask you to? Turns out it works pretty well. We are all so conformist that when one of us bends the rules the others don't quite know what to so at first. Then when they do realize what there supposed to do it takes yet another nonconformist to actually speak up: "Hay you can't cut in line, it's not fair."....heh heh you know what I said to that guy who managed the guts to say something? "Well life ant always fair is it? Who are you to tell me what I can and can't do? I can brake the rules if I want."...he looked like he wanted to hit me but the thing is boys aren't supposed to hit girls, right? What would all these people think if he suddenly pulled me out of line and began beating me?  I wonder now if that had happened, would people save the criminal because she's a girl, because it's not worth it? Or would they just stand there, and let it happen? Would they come and save me if it had been my father or mother beating me and not some complete stranger? Interesting how society works. I think the hole human race needs a big long nature walk...then a worldwide civil war caused by a sudden burst of creativity...then a zombie apocalypse.

Now it's time for the fun part! The story continues in Reflecting Light #4: Zombie Apocalypse Plan!

COMING SOON!!!!! 

Infinity: Prolog (Unfinished)

 Prolog

>>>*...*<<<

     "You know Infinity, becoming a combative mathematician is serous busyness." said the old professor as his student glared up at him. "But you just want to get to the practice part don't you?" The little boy smiled. "Fine then."

       Infinity stepped out upon the grate wide expanse known as AM2’s elate practice filed.

     “ Now, remember you have been given a privilege coming out-HAY!” Infinity chuckled as he ran out onto the crowded practice field. Thin tubes and planes rushed across the filed as Infinity sprinted effortlessly through the cluttered jungle. 

     The students where studying combative mathematics, a fairly dangerous and destructive branch of the ΑΒΘ military. This was no threat to Infinity however. The students where below him and his power. He could see every one of there attacks clearly displayed on the glowing rings that raped around there bodies. The less advanced students possessed only one ring and the older students used two. One ring held binary code and the other displayed the user's actions.

     "Whoa, kid hold on a second!” Spouted one of them as he grabbed Infinity's sleeve. "You'll get killed if you run around like that!" Infinity looked up at the stranger, analyzing his data with his white eyes. Then, he began typing across the space between them:

     *"Alba Tantic?"*Alba stared at him confused by his lack of speech. *"is your name, NO?"*

     "Can you not speak?" Infinity snarled and his eyes flashed for just a moment. *"ANSWER MY QUESTION!"*He let out an almost inhuman chuckle as Alba fell down onto the dusty filed, kicking his legs in an attempt to flea.

   "Alba!" The old professor croaked as he stumbled onto his feet. "Can you not identify a proper Mercury when you see one?"