I've had a very hard time understanding the feelings
I feel when I fence. I am an increasingly emotional a stressed person to
the point that I uncontrollably burst into tears whenever I feel anything.
Weather I be happy or sad, if I'm not crying then I'm totally faking it. So I
guess it's pretty refreshing when I actually feel something, but at the same
time the feeling of emotion can be so unpleasant that I've come to the point
that I don't want to feel anymore. I've considered many times, quitting fencing
entirely...but in doing so I feel as though I am throwing my life away. My life
revolves around art and fencing...and anything that involves tinkering or
sorting. So I guess I just have to deal with it, no mater how unpleasant and confusing
it is for the people around me. Tears of joy are only really normal in movies
and at weddings...not after someone tells a joke.
